BATTLES unseen (Collection)

During in a sensory overload or meltdown my heart feels like it’s beating out of control! My mind & thoughts are rushing uncontrollably & it can feel like I’m loosing complete grip of reality.

All of my senses are heightened & I feel powerless but at the same time a huge rage inside my head & chest. My vision becomes blurry & it leads to a state of panic & fear. This can last for hours at a time.

The noise in my head has been so overwhelming in the past that I have almost ran into a busy road to be hit by traffic to stop it; bashed my head against walls; drank alcohol in copious amounts in rapid succession to slow down the mania or stop the meltdown.

In these episodes I have to be alone & in silence to stop or slow down as much stimulation to my senses as possible. Talking does not help & can actually make the situation worse.

I chose the heart, brain & lungs as they are the big organs that I feel are affected most in these uncontrollable episodes.

I wanted to show the rage & confusion felt through the images.. I used all of the elements in the heart & lung pictures. I think I captured some of the feelings of despair through the abstract confusion & also the deep & dark colours.

The heart.. The raging sea with the hand reaching out; The lighting striking over the sea with the lion above roaring; Red hot lava & fire; Moody red skies with the silhouette of the demon approaching; The hurricane spiralling up with the clock through it, representing how long it feels when these periods happen; The skull of death looming through as the thought of death is always there throughout it all; The black smoke bellowing out to show how burned out these meltdowns can make you feel.

The Lungs.. I wanted to show the internalised war that goes on; The halo & the naughty winged demon smiling looking down over the war going on in the right lung; The left lung showing peace & tranquility; The red & black Yin & Yang symbol indicating the fight for balance.
The Brain.. The war between the 2 sides of the brain; The left side controlled by exterior influences in society which don’t help & force you to comply when you don’t fit in – this causes internal conflict. This demonstrated by the puppeteer hand pulling the strings; The right side indicates an intelligence & understanding which is misunderstood. This is shown with the hand holding the switches on lightbulb.
The Head & Heart.. In this image I wanted to create the robotic feel you which comes with the feeling of disassociation. The feeling like you are watching over yourself & cold to emotions. I feel like I am imitating feelings in this episode. 
The brain with the components like a circuit board to show the cold robotic sense; The binary numbers which flow from the brain to the heart again to represent the emotionless void; The wave to represent how fast this comes over me & how uncontrollable it is; The ‘Fragile, Handle with Care’ sticker peeling off the heart showing the confusion this state causes.


Posted on

September 27, 2021

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