The Weight..

I created this picture in what I call a manic-high, negative state. I tried to describe some of the millions of things running through my mind at one time and how I struggle to juggle them.

Some of the stronger issues I have added are when I get fixated on death, represented by the skull – this has been a fixation I have had for as far back as I can remember. The young boy sat with his head in his hands represents the feeling of isolation & loneliness I get in these states & this can last for hours at a time.

The digital brain shows the logical & robotic way my brain works & I put the NHS in the centre to show the constant battle for help I have with some of the staff, getting them to fully understand & how that is always on my mind. This also represents how I can come across very cold & blunt due to feeling flat & empty – I also think this is a reason people think I am strong because I can say how I feel due to detachment of feelings.

The image of the broken family & dynamics within that show how it has a daily impact on my life something I am now trying to distance myself from to break habits. The word PAIN is blurred due to the merging of feelings that come with it – although I feel flat I have a deep feeling of anxiety as if I have been told that someone close has died!

The theatre masks I added to show how I have learned to mask my problems & issues from an early age & only now am I learning to drop the mask to some degree through recent therapy with an amazing Psychologist. The clock is there to show how this can feel like it is endless – again, time is something I have had issues with since I was a young boy! Trying to grasp the concept of time creates massive anxiety for me & can make me ill – I am constantly thinking how can i do things faster or more efficiently? Maybe that has something to do with that?

Balance is a big issue that I have – what is right & what is wrong? What we are taught & what is imbedded in ourselves, which Is why I added the Halo & devil horns plus the Yin & Yang symbol. The medication I put in between the good & bad struggle is to show how it can stop me from doing harm to myself when in these states (which I have in the past), the diazepam I am prescribed just takes the edge off me feeling like I am slipping into insanity & along with other coping strategies I have learned to help me deal with it.

Within the eye socket of the skull there is a silhouette of man falling which I put in to show how I can feel at the time, that it wont stop & is endless. The binary numbers are again to represent the emotionless robotic state in which I feel I think. I added the eye to show how I often feel myself staring motionless for periods of time due to me trying to analyse what I am thinking & feel I go into a trance. The lion roaring is when I feel like there is a sea of emotions screaming to get out but stay dormant. I put 1979 (the year I was born) in chains as in this state I can feel like I wish I hadn’t been born.

I wouldn’t normally try to explain in writing the depth of such a complex image I have created, something that holds so much meaning, but I wanted to try this as an exercise to see if it would help! I feel very anxious putting it into words but also more stressed that each small sentence doesn’t show the severity & complexity of the feelings I go through having these episodes.

I hope that by ‘trying’ to put my feelings onto a digital image & then into words this may help someone out there who goes through experiences like this, hopefully lets them know that they are not alone.

Skills

Posted on

November 5, 2020

10 Comments

  1. Sandra Hunt

    Wow I’m honestly blow away with your art & by you explaining it does help. The art is amazing but with your words it’s piecing it all together. I can relate to some of it. It’s inspiring & I believe will help other & id love to have permission to use this on my mental health awareness page!

    Reply
    • Loveartpix

      Hi Sandra, thank you so much for your kind words & im glad that you find it inspiring. Im going to try to put more descriptive eplanations for my artwork in future so people can understand it better & like you said relate – which is the goal!
      Im more than happy for you to use this or any other artwork that you think may help.

      Reply
  2. Wesley Dyson

    When I look at pieces of art such as this I try to understand what the artist must have been feeling at the time. Without the artist it would just be a blank canvas… I have recently discovered that you alone cannot carry all the burden all of the time I see pressure I see personal struggle … Being able to express yourself through creativity can release that burden and let it go .. inspirational… I completely resonate with this amazing piece 💚

    Reply
    • Loveartpix

      Hi Wes, thank you so much for the great feedback. This was a very hard piece to create – in terms of trying to get the images right to express each emotion & feeling – & just a fraction of the bigger story in that manic state! Writing the description was also a task in itself & very stressful but it helps me reading back over it & if it can help others to relate, even better.

      I really appreciate you taking your time to look through my page & dropping a comment.

      Dez

      Reply
    • Sara

      Such a powerful piece of art and beautiful explanation that speaks to so many people.

      Reply
      • Loveartpix

        Thank you Sara

        Reply
  3. Caitlin Restall

    This picture tells a thousand story’s! Someone can have so much weight on their shoulders and we may not be able to see it! Always be kind x

    Reply
    • Loveartpix

      Hi Caitlin,

      You are exactly right, always try to be kind

      Dez

      Reply
  4. Patrick

    This is really great. Really captures the mindset and headspace perfectly. Not to mention the heaviness anyone can be carrying at any given time.

    Reply
    • Loveartpix

      Thank you Patrick, it was a hard piece to create but Id say even harder to describe after. I really appreciate your feedback.

      Dez

      Reply

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